that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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