Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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