Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
