i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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