I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
