Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
