I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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