when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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