yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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