she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
