someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
