Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
