how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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