Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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