His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
