He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
