we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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