Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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