she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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