what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone