put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.