The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?