I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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