Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
