I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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