Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so let's talk penis.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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