My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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