I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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