my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
