dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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