Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
