Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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