I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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