Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
