I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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