She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
