shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
