I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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