I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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