So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
