i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
