Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
