Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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