First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
