He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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