Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
