at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
