dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
