Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
