I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I am naked and annoyed.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
