Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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