All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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