Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
