True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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