When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
