That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
