the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
