Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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