One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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