I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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