Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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