We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
